Before my father died I was a happy go lucky girl. The perfect vision of a teenage girl who had everything. I was popular. A cheerleader. An athlete. Someone who genuinely loved life, and shared it with those around me. I was always curious about everything, and enjoyed learning new things. I was Daddy's little girl. All of that changed in the blink of an eye though. The night there was a knock on the door delivering the news that my father had died.

My vibrant life was sucked drastically out of me. Becoming a depressed, sullen, and melancholy girl. A shadow of the girl I had been before. Not wanting to face another day without my father who had been the perfect role model to my brothers and me. I've gone from a straight A student to almost flunking all of my classes. I've pretty much gone goth as well dressing all in black still mourning my father.

[smear:#c037e4]Positive Traits:[/smear:#eb4972:0]
1)Intelligent: Having a high mental capacity; cerebral.
2)Curious: Marked by the desire to investigate and learn.
3)Sentimental: Being strongly influenced by feelings or emotional sentiment.
4)Imaginative: Having an active imagination; forming clear mental images of things that have not been previously considered.
5)Private: Having strong personal boundaries; preferring to keep one's affairs to oneself.
6)Introverted: Being inclined to explore one's inner mental landscape more so than the outer world.

[smear:#eb4972]Negative Traits: [/smear:#c037e4:0]
1)Rebellious: Flouting the law or resisting authority.
2)Stubborn: Unyielding or obstinate.
3)Self-Destructive: Inclined toward actions and choices that hurt oneself.
4)Uncommunicative: Reluctant to impart information or share one's feelings and thoughts.
5)Withdrawn: Detached from others, having retreated inside oneself.
6)Pessimistic: Inclined to focus on the negative and expect the worst possible outcome.

I was born into old money on both sides of my parents. My parents went to the most elite school back in New York City where they had grown up. How they ended up in Denver not for sure I never thought to ask. All I know is that I was born here and so was Stetson whose a year older than me, and our little brothers Saxon, Sutton and Saber.

Dad was an outlaw biker in the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle club. Mom is a teacher. Dad's best friend, Reese, he grew up with had prospected to the sons with him so they were both here in Denver. My mom's best friend was Reese's wife Lorelei. Our families did everything together. We even celebrated holidays together. Just one big family. Our houses were always full of laughter and love.

My parents instilled in us the value of life, and how to live it right. To work for what we wanted even though we had money. As it didn't grow on trees was dad's favorite saying or it seemed like it. My favorite memories are riding on the back of dad's bike when he would give us rides. He always made sure to have time for each of us, and I was definitely daddy's little girl! Our life was a whirlwind with five of us and something going on all the time. We played all the sports they offered to little kids. The Richmond kids were right there playing with us.

I also took dance lessons with the Richmond girls. Our moms always came to the recitals, but our dads tried to be there, but sometimes it wasn't possible. So they'd make it up to us girls with ice cream their next free day. They'd call it daddy daughter day. I was lucky to have my dad all to myself. There were three Richmond girls so they had to share their father's attention. So I had all my father's attention.

Before I knew it I was starting junior high school. For fun I had tried out for cheerleading, and actually made the squad. I learned a lot of new things in cheerleading. Even took a tumbling class so I could do the backflips and flips. I absolutely loved it. I also tried all of the sports offered. Volleyball I didn't like as it hurt my wrists. Basketball I did like. Track definitely wasn't for me. So by the time I was starting my freshman year I was only playing basketball. I'd also tried out for cheerleading and made the squad there to. Even tried out for the dance team and made it so I was more than busy. The dance team danced during all Boys Varsity games on Friday nights at halftime.

Things were great that year right up until Valentine's day. The boy I had been dating broke up with me saying some really hurtful things to me. When I tried to talk to him he backhanded me, and told me I was worthless to just get lost. He was already dating one of my best friends that was a cheerleader too. She had witnessed the breakup, and him hitting me smirking the whole time. I snuck out of school then and went home. Mom was at the high school teaching and dad was probably off with the Sons. All my brothers in school. I put ice on my face where he had backhanded me and laid in bed sobbing most of the day.

I had made some cookie dough without the chocolate chips and devoured all of it. Even though I felt a little sick I made more leaving the mess in the kitchen and took the bowl up to my room binging on it. The mess had an egg mess strewn over the counter, and flour everywhere. With texts and phone calls coming in from friends, Stetson, and even my mom I had finally just turned it off wanting to block the whole world out. Around noon I had got into the liquor cabinet and swiped a bottle of brandy. Not knowing it was an expensive one. Back in my room I shut and locked the door and slid down to the floor. I took a drink of the brandy and gagged on it as it burned all the way down. After a little while as I kept drinking it I wasn't feeling the physical or the mental pain anymore.

It was dad who came home around two with Reese looking for me after mom had called him. He found me passed out on the floor of the bathroom with vomit everywhere. How I ended up there I have no idea. Didn't even know I had till mom talked to me later that night. I woke up in bed with the worst hangover. The pain hitting me all at once. Mom was there, and she just held me as I sobbed. After awhile she had me take some Tylenol and gave me some Pepto. She stayed with me till I had fallen asleep.

I felt a bit better the next morning, but still hurt mentally and physically. Looking in the mirror I was pale as a ghost, and the bruises on my face really showed up. When I came out of the bathroom Stetson was standing there, and he growled when he got a look at me. His hand had cupped my chin gently and was looking at my face. Tears had seeped out unknowingly, and he had given me a hug. He told me everything was going to be alright, and headed downstairs for breakfast. I had got dressed, and had tried covering up the bruises on my face, not wanting to go to school at all. When I got downstairs only dad was there. Mom and my brothers had already left for school.

Seems I got a free day after what had happened. It became a daddy daughter day. Brought me out of my misery for awhile. We went out for breakfast. Then we went for a ride that I absolutely loved riding on the back of my dad's bike with my arms wrapped around him feeling free. That afternoon we spent at the Downtown Aquarium. My favorite place to go. We spent hours there with no hurry. We ate supper there to in the restaurant. Dad had definitely made me forget about the day before. A day I would never forget. By the time we got home my brothers had already gone to bed, and only mom was waiting up. After hugs and kisses goodnight I had headed up to my room only to find Stetson sitting on my bed on my phone.

I sat on my bed with him, and laid my head on his shoulder. He let me know that he and the boys had taken care of my ex. I frowned at that, but didn't say anything. He did deserve it whatever they had dished out to him. As I watched him he was going through my texts and phone calls deleting some of them, and blocking those that would probably only hurt me more with their words or pictures that they were sending. There was only about ten and a half months between us making us like Irish twins or something that dad like to joke about. We'd been close since we were little. He always had my back.

The term “Irish twins” refers to one mother having two children who were born 12 months or less apart. It originated in the 1800s as a way to poke fun at Irish Catholic immigrant families who didn't have access to birth control. Well I don't think we had Irish backgrounds and dad always thought it was hilarious.

A day later mom answered a knock at the door. It was her screams that brought us running. A police officer at the door told us our father had been shot and killed. It felt like time had stopped. Stetson was kneeling beside mom who was on her knees sobbing and screaming trying to comfort her. I felt like everything was in slow motion, before blackness took over. I woke up later on the couch in the living room. My brothers sprawled around the room. Some of the old ladies from the club were there too talking in hushed tones with my mother who was still crying.

I found out later that dad and Reese Richmond had been killed in a drug deal gone wrong. With some thinking it was an inside job of the sons. Dad had been talking about transferring to Manhattan as well as Reese and leaving Denver. Joining friends there in the club. sp there did seem to be things going on in the charter here that they wanted out.

For me it felt like my life had ended. I hadn't even gotten to tell my daddy goodbye. I don't remember much of the funeral as everything was a blur to me. Friends of my parents had come for all directions for the funeral. My mom and Lorelei's best friend Tianna coming with her family and most of the Manhattan charter. Tianna stayed for awhile after that helping both mom and Lorelei try to deal with things.

Our family and the Richmond's were together most of the time after that. I retreated into myself though. Sneaking alcohol out of the liquor cabinet and drinking it till I wasn't feeling anything. School sucked especially seeing my ex boyfriend and ex best friend hanging all over one another. More often then not I started skipping school. Getting drunk and doing who knows what as I blacked out some of it. At a party one night someone must have slipped me something, because I felt mellow and everything was in slow motion. A guy who was in the gothic crowed that I had started hanging out with got me started taking some kind of drug. I didn't care what it was as it made me forget the pain inside of me for a while.

I ended up quitting cheerleading as well as the dance team. I was starting to flunk all of my classes. Months had passed since dad had died. Stetson had tried talking to me and pulling me back, but I only pushed him and our younger brothers away as well as well as the Richmond's. Mom who had taken time off to mourn was back to work this next year, but so focusing on her work to drown out her sorrow she hadn't even realized what was going on with me.

I had sunken so far into this new lifestyle just wanting to forget the pain that I didn't care. Things that would have horrified me before didn't anymore. I was a shell of myself losing what innocence I had ever had. I just didn't care anymore. My sixteenth birthday had come and gone, and I hadn't even realized it. If I would have I would have been in pain all over again since dad and I had planned out that day when I was younger. The day he was going to take me shopping for my very own motorcycle.

All I wore anymore were black clothes even down to my underwear. Heavy black eyeliner and heavy makeup thinking I was ugly. Always high and drunk anymore my life had definitely spiraled out of control. My sophomore year was over before I knew it. How I had passed I have no idea. I don't even remember going to any classes. Mom had noticed me finally, and we had screaming matches making my younger brothers hightail it to their rooms covering their ears. Stetson was usually out with Ozzy doing whatever teenage boys do to get into trouble and whatnot. With the state I was in I didn't even know my mom and Lorelei had taken jobs somewhere out in California and were planning on moving all of us to California.

When I did realize I had another fight with mom, and threw some things in a bag running away. The days were a blur as I stayed with a friend getting high. I don't remember much just waking up miserable in the hospital. I had overdosed and almost died. Mom was crying, and didn't say much when she was there. Lorelei took turns with her staying with me. I didn't talk either as I was going through withdrawal. When I was ready to be released I wasn't allowed to go home though. I was put into rehab. I didn't fight as I just felt numb. Who it was that had said something to me to knock me out of my defiance was I don't remember. Their words were that my dad would be so disappointed in me for ending up like this. It woke me up, and I started going through the stages of grief that I hadn't before.

It was Stetson when he came to visit me that I broke down to him getting everything out, and he held me as I sobbed into him. In all my grief and wanting to forget I hadn't even thought that my brothers as well as the Richmond's were feeling like I was too. That I hadn't been all alone in things. Mom and I finally had a heart to heart talk, and sobbed together in our grief. When I was released her and I went to the cemetery, and she let me have some alone time to talk to dad. That talk went on for a couple of hours. She was content sitting on a bench just watching me from afar. As I sobbed, laughed, and just cried talking to my father.

Two days later my mom, my brothers, and the Richmond's took me to the Harley dealership to pick out my bike. It was bittersweet, and tears were shed as daddy was supposed to be there with me for this. Stetson had whispered with me that dad was here in our hearts, and it had lifted my spirits some. As I walked through the showroom it was as if a spotlight was suddenly on the bike of my dreams. It was a seafoam green color with white trip. The bike I had talked about with dad. Walking up to it I ran my hand over the bike, and I knew that dad had led me to this bike.

Getting to ride it home it felt like dad was right there riding with me. Dad had made sure we all knew how to ride as we grew up getting us mini bikes when we were little. We'd gotten dirt bikes when we grew out of those, and even got to participate in Motocross if we wanted. I had for awhile till school started taking up my time and energy. That weekend we were on our way to California. Our bikes loaded up on the family jets, and our homes packed up an in moving vans already on their way to our new home. We'd be landing in Nevada City, and get to ride on up to Washington so I was excited for that!